ANGER MANAGEMENT : 10 WAYS OF CONTROL YOUR ANGER IN DAY TO DAY LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

HOW TO CONTROL ANGER IN RELATIONSHIPS:

We all get angry with our partners from time to time. Try the following tips to help you to minimise the destructive effects of anger on you and your relationship:

• Address anger immediately. When you first start noticing the signs of anger, ask your partner what’s happening. Leaving an angry person to nurse her hurt makes things worse, not better.
• Keep calm. Anger fuels anger, so the calmer you can remain, the quicker your partner’s anger subsides. Shouting at a partner in a rage escalates her anger, and joining a passive aggressive partner in sulking can make the situation continue for ever.
• Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Openly saying ‘I can see you’re angry’ and, if appropriate, ‘I understand you’re angry about . . . ’ prevents your partner from feeling that she has to prove how she feels either by throwing her weight around or retreating into silence.
• Show that you’re listening. People often continue to be angry because they don’t think they’re being listened to or taken seriously. Use active listening techniques to be sure that your partner feels heard.
• Share your feelings. If you’re feeling angry too, then say so. If you’re feeling nervous, upset or frustrated by your partner’s anger, then share that also. This is especially important with passive aggression, when a partner may want to deny that her behaviour has any impact on you.
• Be conciliatory. Behave in a way that demonstrates that you want to make peace. That may mean saying you’re sorry or acknowledging your role in a problem, or reaching out physically.
• Use the broken record technique. Someone in the middle of a rage often jumps from one point to another without taking time to listen to what you’re saying, and someone who’s passive aggressive may continue to make the same jibe over and over again.
  The broken record technique can help you to stick to your guns, and to the point. Simply repeat, calmly but assertively, what you want to say. For example, ‘This was a misunderstanding, I didn’t mean what I said the way you heard it’ or ‘I know you’re angry, but I can’t change my work commitments.’
• Try fogging. This is a helpful technique to fend off unreasonable criticism, whether that’s through the nagging of passive aggression or in the midst of an angry outburst. Rather than arguing with your partner, you take the wind out of her sails by agreeing in part, or fogging.
  For example, if your partner’s accusing you of being selfish all the time, say, ‘I agree that sometimes I don’t think about the impact things have on you and I should try harder.’ Or if she’s angry with you for being late, you can say, ‘I’m sorry I was unavoidably late, and I should have rung you earlier to let you know.’
• Make a negative assertion: When criticism’s deserved, however it’s expressed, you may often be tempted to become defensive or try to justify yourself. Negative assertion stops an argument in its tracks by calmly and seriously agreeing with what’s been said. You say, ‘You’re right, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have . . . 

DAILY ROUTINES AND SCHEDULES TO BE PRODUCTIVE

I don’t know anyone who couldn’t use a little boost in their energy and self-control.

Researchers at the University of Nottingham recently published findings from their exploration of 83 separate studies on energy and self-control. What they found will change the way you start your day.

The researchers found that self-control and energy are not only intricately linked but also finite, daily resources that tire much like a muscle. Even though we don’t always realize it, as the day goes on, we have increased difficulty exerting self-control and focusing on our work. As self-control wears out, we feel tired and find tasks to be more difficult and our mood sours.

This exhaustion of self-control kills your productivity, and it makes the morning hours, when self-control is highest, the most important hours of the day.

But the trick isn’t just to spend your morning hours working; it’s to do the right things in the morning that will make your energy and self-control last as long as possible.

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” – Steve Jobs

The Nottingham research has led me to uncover 11 powerful ways we can break bad habits in the morning and maximize our energy and self-control throughout the day.

Whether you naturally wake up feeling alert and productive or wake up with the brainpower of a zombie, these tips will help you transform your morning routine and set a positive tone that lasts the entire day.

#1 Start with exercise

Researchers at the University of Bristol found that people who exercise during the workday have more energy and a more positive outlook, which are both critical to getting things done. Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses. Exercising first thing in the morning ensures that you’ll have the time for it, and it improves your self-control and energy levels all day long.

#2 But drink some lemon water first

Drinking lemon water as soon as you wake up spikes your energy levels physically and mentally. Lemon water gives you steady, natural energy that lasts the length of the day by improving nutrient absorption in your stomach. You need to drink it first thing in the morning (on an empty stomach) to ensure full absorption. You should also wait 15-30 minutes after drinking it before eating (perfect time to squeeze in some exercise). Lemons are packed with nutrients; they’re chock full of potassium, vitamin C, and antioxidants. If you’re under 150 pounds, drink the juice of half a lemon (a full lemon if you’re over 150 pounds). Don’t drink the juice without water because it’s hard on your teeth.

#3 No screen time until breakfast

When you dive straight into e-mails, texts, and Facebook, you lose focus and your morning succumbs to the wants and needs of other people. It’s much healthier to take those precious first moments of the day to do something relaxing that sets a calm, positive tone for your day. Jumping right into electronics has the opposite effect—it’s a frantic way to start your day. Exercising, meditating, or even watching the birds out the window are all great ways to start the day.

#4 Eat a real breakfast

Eating anything at all for breakfast puts you ahead of a lot of people. People who eat breakfast are less likely to be obese, they have more stable blood-sugar levels, and they tend to be less hungry over the course of the day. And these are just the statistics for people who eat any breakfast. When you eat a healthy breakfast, the doors to a productive day swing wide open. A healthy breakfast gives you energy, improves your short-term memory, and helps you to concentrate more intensely and for longer periods.

#5 Set goals for the day

Research shows that having concrete goals is correlated with huge increases in confidence and feelings of control. Setting goals specific to the day puts everything into motion. Narrow your goals down to a few achievable ones that can easily be broken down into steps. Vague goals such as “I want to finish writing my article” are counter-productive because they fail to include the “how” of things. The same goal re-phrased in a more functional way would read something like this: “I am going to finish my article by writing each of the three sections, spending no more than an hour on each section.” Now, you have more than simply something you want to achieve—you have a way to achieve it.

Getting your morning started off right at home is important, but it’s only half the battle. If you fail to maintain that tone once you set foot in the office, your morning can lose momentum quickly. Here’s how you can maintain a productive tone once you hit the office:

#1 First, clean your workspace

Even though it’s a pain to clean right when you get into work, it makes a big difference to your ability to concentrate. A Princeton University study found that people who worked in a clean workspace out-performed those who worked in a cluttered one because clutter pulls your attention away from your work. In fact, the effects of clutter on concentration are not all that different from the effects of multi-tasking.

#2 No e-mail until you've eaten three frogs

“Eat a live frog first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” – Mark Twain

“Eating a frog” is the greatest antidote to procrastination, and the most productive people know the importance of biting into this delicacy first thing in the morning. In other words, spend your morning on something that requires a high level of concentration that you don’t want to do, and you’ll get it done in short order. Make a habit of eating three frogs before you check your e-mail because e-mail is a major distraction that enables procrastination and wastes precious mental energy.

#3 Assign times to your to-do list, and monitor your progress against your goals

To-do lists are helpful for making sure you don’t forget anything, but beyond that, they can be misleading. For example, if you have three hours of meetings and eight hours of work, chances are you won’t be able to get everything done. However, a typical to-do list doesn’t tell you that you have eight hours of work; it only tells you that you have ten things you need to do. When you add time frames to your do-list, it becomes exponentially more effective. It pushes you to avoid procrastinating or multi-tasking in order to complete things within the allotted time. It also shows you what is and isn’t feasible so that you can prioritize your day accordingly.

There’s no point in setting goals in the morning if you don’t check in on them. Look at what you’ve done so far with a critical eye. If you realize you’re behind schedule or doing a shoddy job, it’s important to adjust your goals or your work ethic so that you can move intentionally through your day.

#4 Keep morning meetings on schedule

Meetings are the biggest time waster there is, and they can ruin an otherwise productive morning. People who use their mornings effectively know that a meeting will drag on forever if they let it, so they inform everyone at the onset that they’ll stick to the intended schedule. This sets a limit that motivates everyone to be more focused and efficient. Keep your morning meetings on time, and your entire day will stay on track.

#5 Don’t multitask

Multi-tasking in the morning—when you have lots to do, tons of energy, and it feels like you can do two or three things at once—is tempting, but it sets your whole day back. Research conducted at Stanford University confirmed that multitasking is less productive than doing a single thing at a time. The researchers found that people who are regularly bombarded with several streams of electronic information cannot pay attention, recall information, or switch from one job to another as well as those who complete one task at a time.

But what if some people have a special gift for multitasking? The Stanford researchers compared groups of people based on their tendency to multitask and their belief that it helps their performance. They found that heavy multitaskers (those who multitask a lot and feel that it boosts their performance) were actually worse at multitasking than those who like to do a single thing at a time. The frequent multitaskers performed worse because they had more trouble organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information, and they were slower at switching from one task to another. Ouch!

Multitasking reduces your efficiency and performance because your brain can only focus adequately on one thing at a time. When you try to do two things at once, your brain lacks the capacity to perform both tasks successfully.

#6 Say no

No is a powerful word that will protect your precious mornings. When it’s time to say no, avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them while your mind is fresh. Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco showed that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Learn to use no, and it will lift your mood as well as your productivity.

Bringing it all together

The right morning routine can make your day, every day. The trick is to be intentional about your mornings, understanding that a.m. hours are precious and should be handled with care.

Leo Babauta: “Start your day by planning what you need to get done”

A morning routine can be particularly important to setting up your day in the best way. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits shared his schedule when he began experimenting with the best morning routine for him:

• Wake at 4:30 a.m.
• Drink water.
• Set 3 Most Important Things (MITs) for today.
• Fix lunches for kids and myself.
• Eat breakfast, read.
• Exercise (run, bike, swim, strength, or yardwork) or meditate.
• Shower.
• Wake wife & kids at 6:30 a.m.

Leo’s routine is all about starting his day in the best way possible:

The reason I like having a morning routine is that not only does it instill a sense of purpose, peace and ritual to my day, but it ensures that I’m getting certain things done every morning … namely, my goals.

10 ways to be happy

We all want to be happy. But what is happiness?

Here's one definition…

Happiness is simply the ability to not want more; to find gratitude and satisfaction in the moment that you have right now.

In other words, your happiness hinges on living in the moment instead of yearning for some future indicator of success.

Here’s the best way I know to live in the moment…

Express gratefulness.

Appreciating what you have right now automatically brings you into the present. It allows you to get past the dissatisfaction of wanting a bigger house or a better relationship or a better job and experience what you have right now.

1. Before dinner each night, say one thing you are grateful for. (If you pray, then this can become part of your prayer as well.)

2. Write a Thank You note to someone this week. If you can’t find anything else to thank someone for, then just write them a note to thank them for being in your life. Any time they spend with you is a gift because they could choose to spend it with someone else.

3. Take 30 seconds to breathe. There is no easier way to make time for yourself and be grateful for your own existence than to breathe. Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose for a count of three and out through your mouth for a count of five. Do this 5 times.

4. Do nothing for 2 minutes. Guess what happens? Nothing! You didn’t lose your job. Your family didn’t leave you. You’re not a failure. Nobody judged you. In fact, the only thing that really happened was that you realized that you can make time for yourself and enjoy your own presence without consuming something (eating, watching TV, etc).

5. Call a friend that you haven’t talked to in a while. We live for close connection. Having Facebook friends and Twitter followers and a large network is great, but it lacks the meaning of close connection. Reach out to someone who is important to you. Talk about whatever the hell you want. You don’t have to say anything cheesy or uncomfortable. Just enjoy the conversation and be grateful for that person.

6.  Create balance and overcome burnout.

How are you supposed to have the energy to be happier if you're exhausted and miserable from work? It will be really hard. Building new skills, skills that will help you be happier, will take time and energy. So it's helpful first to create better work-life balance.

7. Find those silver linings.

Everything we experience can be a bummer if we choose to see it that way. But when you search for the benefits or silver linings in your life, you may be surprised to discover a lot of good. Keep practicing to increase the positive and decrease the negative to cultivate happiness. Also, this skill has been linked to a better ability to cope with stressand be more resilient.

8. Take breaks from social media.

Facebook tends to have a negative effect on our happiness. By choosing to take breaks from Facebook — or changing the way we use social media — we can boost our happiness.

  9. Speak up and be yourself.

When we let people walk all over us, we're unhappy. But when we advocate for our own needs assertively and express ourselves, we feel more in control of our lives. Learning how to express yourself can help you overcome interpersonal challenges, which can make you unhappy.

10. Find your purpose.

We all want to feel like we made some sort of positive impact in this world, but sometimes we are uncertain of the type of impact we want to make. Explore exactly what gives you a sense of purpose and how you want to pursue this purpose to give your life a greater sense of meaning.

SUCCESSPEDIA: 6 ways to think positive

SUCCESSPEDIA: 6 ways to think positive: The “power of positive thinking” is a popular concept, and sometimes it can feel a little cliché.  You can define positive thinking as posi...

6 ways to think positive

The “power of positive thinking” is a popular concept, and sometimes it can feel a little cliché. You can define positive thinking as positive imagery, positive self-talk or general optimism, but these are all still general, ambiguous concepts. If you want to be effective in thinking and being more positive, you’ll need concrete examples to help you through the process.

1. Start the day with positive affirmation.

How you start the morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. Have you ever woken up late, panicked, and then felt like nothing good happened the rest of the day? This is likely because you started out the day with a negative emotion.Talk to yourself in the mirror, even if you feel silly, with statements like, “Today will be a good day” or “I’m going to be awesome today.” You’ll be amazed how much your day improves.

2. Focus on the good things, however small.

Almost invariably, you’re going to encounter obstacles throughout the day—there’s no such thing as a perfect day. When you encounter such a challenge, focus on the benefits, no matter how slight or unimportant they seem.

3. Find humor in bad situations.

Allow yourself to experience humor in even the darkest or most trying situations. Remind yourself that this situation will probably make for a good story later and try to crack a joke about it. Say you’re laid off; imagine the most absurd way you could spend your last day, or the most ridiculous job you could pursue next—like kangaroo handler or bubblegum sculptor.

“See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama

4. Smile.I didn’t do much of this during the weekend, so I literally had to bring myself in front of a mirror and force myself to smile. It really does help change your mood and relieve stress. I also felt lighter because it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown.

5.

 Surround yourself with positive people.

I called a friend who I knew could give me constructive yet loving feedback. When you’re stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking.

6.

Help someone.

Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person. I decided to make a tray of food and donate it to the Salvation Army. It took my mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone.☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺